Quite cold nights, sincere laughs and talks, family gatherings, warm dinner meals and change is between the sheets. The world is still struggling with COVID, the vaccine appears to the surface but I didn’t take it yet, and it happens that I’m not one of COVID survivors. Me and all of my family were somehow immune to this disease or simply it’s not the time it gets to us. On the other side my battle with schizophrenia still exist, I try desperately to tell the new doctor I saw that I’ve been falsely diagnosed but no one listens, what bothers me even more is that my father and brother are putting a huge pressure on me by telling me I must eat the medication, further more by telling the responsible doctor that I don’t eat it and upon their request he changed the medication to injection instead of pills and now my misery road started being more like hell after this injection, I guess I’ll be crossing hospitals with my leather boots for a while now because I don’t know when it will stops! I just want all this to stop. I know that one day everything will come to an end, eventually things will change and our fears will dissolve, the sun will shine again with no heavy mind. I’m not hear to tell you what you’ve heard hundreds of times before. I’m hear to shed the lights on your wounds, so you can know them, understand them, never be ashamed of them, to help you and me, in our healing journey. What’s life in the end? But a beautiful journey to discover the self, a journey not too far outside, you may never leave your room or your country but a journey to the deepest point of and through your soul. One day when I was a kid I was at school and I remember how terrible I was in math, not very terrible but fair enough bad, I’m definitely not the only one to say this; everyone is equally bad at math but I never give up or told myself I can’t understand it! I’m always trying and taking good grades above all. Some people give up and fails or stop trying and that’s not bad either but never me, and I know I’m not alone, just like being bad at math is common and isn’t lonely experience. We understand our pain better when we learn ourselves that we aren’t alone in what we feel. Things will pass and I believe good is the basis of life even with all the injustice and traumas. Life is good, take it as a listen, learn from it and things will unfold clear to you.
Posted bySomayahPosted indiariesTags:cold nights, january, leather boots, life, listens, mental health, mental hospital, schizophrenia, traumas, winter
Published by Somayah
Born in 8th of July, 1993. Jeddah, Saudi Arabia living in Taif now! somayah m. is a home-loving person, who values intelligence, paper journals and hot cup of chocolate on a winter night. I enjoy the peaceful moments, Mahmoud Darwish’s poetry, reflecting, reading & writing and never neglect the small things or the little enjoyments. View more posts